Try and try again

We all want to belong.  No matter how we approach it or what we say, the need to belong is one of the greatest motivators in society.  Eventually, after some time we just come to the truth, the realization that no matter how hard, no matter what we do, It will never happen. I have always had a strong need to belong.  I think it may have started at a very early age. I was often reminded I wasn't like other kids.  My mother and father kept me very close.  They say the baby usually has it the easiest.  For me that wasn't the case.  I suffered from severe asthma from a very young age almost dying from it once because of an unknown pine allergy.  So I think my parents just wanted to protect me.  However, due to that constant sheltering I could never find where I fit in with others.  I developed a fascination with reading, mom would always give me a book, encyclopedia, a dictionary, and even at times phone books to read, whenever I complained of boredom. 
We often struggle with why we just don't fit in.  We are all created unique, however, there are people who just seem to mesh better with others.  No matter how hard you try you cannot force relationships that just aren't meant to happen.  Trust comes into play.  You trust people over and over. Each one telling you they are different than every other single person you have encountered in life.  I have built up walls because of all the times I have heard that.  Everyone wants something.  Everyone strives for something.  When they obtain what it is they want or need they simply flick you off like you are nothing.  Like you never truly mattered to them.
I have also had enough people who mask emotions.  I have struggled so hard and to this day I struggle with my emotions and letting people know how I feel.  It all boils down to that acceptance thing.  If you let people know something is wrong they will not accept you as a person. 
We all have hopes and dreams.  It is so hard to define who you are as a person.  Don't let others define you.  It is hard to constantly hear from others what you can't do.  We do enough self depreciating without having it thrown in our faces all the time. I just need to myself practice more positivity.  I think it can be a good thing.  Focus on the positive and not linger in the darkness of negativity.
We all have our strengths and weaknesses.  I think that is why we have them so that when we encounter someone who has a weakness it may be one of our strengths that lift them up.  And the reverse is also true the people in our lives are there to help us with our weaknesses.  I think we all get lost along the way.  Forgetting that this experience, the human one, is short.  We only have so much time to do what ever it is we were placed here to do.
Try no matter how hard and try again to focus on your own worth.  Never place your worth in the views of others or you will slowly spiral on a neverending down cycle, until someone reaches out and say here grab a hold I got this.