We all have a role in life. Some are big and others are small. We tend to get confused when lines and roles are not clearly drawn. For me it is especially hard when I don't understand or I cannot figure out exactly what my role is. It has been a great struggle for me as of late. I know my role at home. I am a wife, mom, caretaker, housekeeper, chef, nurse, accountant, chauffeur, dishwasher, and basically jack of all trades. It is my scope beyond my home where my role gets shaded. At times I am a friend, companion, advisor and a few other things. At times though it seems I have no fit and I struggle with that.
So many people look at me and see me for my illness. That is a hard obstacle to overcome. I am me a person regardless of my illness. My illnesses are a part of me they are not me. I struggle to prove myself and having to overcome the obstacles of my illnesses on my own psyche it is even harder when I have to face that struggle of proof to those around me. Yes I have health issues, however, they do not stop me from doing what I love and feel I am lead in life to do.
I am just a jumble of confusion and it is so much added stress when I feel like I am in a virtual limbo. I sit here twiddling my thumbs while the world goes on around me. I struggle with stillness, it doesn't suit me well I want to be busy. Until it is all sorted, I guess I just sit here and wait. Hoping for a clearly defined role soon before my mind wanders off into complete chaos.
